Fail More (Often)

I’ve been laid-off now for about 10 months from a well-known project management firm. Luckily for me my basic needs are not in jeopardy. I have a new house with hefty savings, I’m learning to eat low on the food chain, I have a dog that listens with her heart but despite her sincerity and pedigree she couldn't shoulder the financial burden after the savings run out-—and I wouldn't let her either...dry humor.

I took the summer off to be with my son on a regular basis, enrolled in a few insurance programs at the community college, and I do some career counseling…help someone with an occasional resume, as well as some painting, and now I’m exploring something that is fun to do and makes people crazy happy, especially children…balloon twisting…

Through all this I’m compelled to simplify everything, and now I'm letting go of luxuries like my fitness club membership, eating out at restaurants, leaving the lights on, taking long showers....now I’ve made a sport out of buying less. Oh I am looking for work, but nobody is hiring recruiters right now. The unexpected bump in this journey is how I slowly began to let go of my self worth. I saw my skill sets as useless, my strengths as impediments, my passions as frivolous, and a huge divide grew between my old work life, and my new ventures. It may not be manly to say but I fight daily with a swelling collection of negative beliefs.

I’ve told many a client, who is looking at a career change…it is inevitable when a person is committed to self-reinvention, that negative self talk will rise up and attach to every great idea, plan or action simply because it's new and different, and presents a big shift for the ego.I make a terrible client…but in my case, I’m gradually beginning to see that my everyday mindtalk is an opportunity for me to own my new experiences, passions and new found skills as every bit as important as the work I’d been formerly paid for as a recruiter. My daily learning: to appreciate the practical and spiritual value of everything I do moving forward.

I need to remember my favorite Japanese manager’s mantra, “you need to fail more.” And do what I love. Do what is of value. I need to put the cart before the horse and make some mistakes. My work life will not look the same, but then again, I don’t want it to.